A Parfait In Your Mouth
It’s your parfait, you can cry if you want to. I sure do.
Aaaaaaaand we’re back with another installment of already thinking about another installment… or as the scratchy band of my leggings call it “eating when you’re bored”.
In this house, we eat a lot. We eat when we feel bad about eating. We eat when we’re about to get our period. We eat when remember Alaska is a state. We eat when there’s another Harry Potter weekend on Freeform. We eat when Macy’s has an annual one day only sale every other week. We eat when we find out another one of our friends is selling custom, monogrammed thermoses. We eat when we buy another pair of Old Navy flip flops. We eat when we pretend to have perpetual diarrhea so we can have 59 minutes of alone time per hour. We eat when we read the words “hard member” in a romance novel we got from Stop n’ Shop because we can’t remember the last time our husband really had one.***
Let's get real though. Between being an unwilling mother to children I don’t like, but am legally required to say that I still love, and a wife to a man I convinced myself to marry because he told me I was pretty once, and a closet stoner—squeezing in meals that are actually healthy and super easy to make is hard!
That’s why this bougie parfait is an absolute fave for no one else in the house but me. It’s got very few ingredients, tastes AWESOME, and makes people think my life is way more together than my decrepit chesticles.
I remember being young, skinny, and immune to the teeth-tingling affects of sugar. You could never catch me eating plain, non-fat Greek yogurt. Until then, my favorite exotic snack was mayonnaise.
But here’s a tip: start training your taste buds to adjust to the miseries of adulthood by adding a few drops of vanilla to plain things (thoughts on almond secretions to come). It’s better than buying vanilla flavored things because it’s a lot less sugar. As for brands, I really enjoy Fage. It has less of that typical sour Greek yogurt taste, so you can pretend you actually prefer it over a bowl of cereal.
To sweeten things up a bit, try adding different fresh fruits for some natural sweetening. Don’t worry about what’s in season—our lord and savior didn’t waste their genetic-modifying capabilities on us for a reason. (Pro Tip: You have enough dishes to ignore. Get creative with your cutting surfaces instead of using something unnecessarily sanitary.)
Since yogurt alone won’t give you a badonkadonk worth writing songs about, look for other ways to bring in texture and healthy fats. Nut butters will add on more healthy protein and fat to keep you full, and low-sugar, crunchy granola will go the distance in making your yogurt not taste like bacteria-enhanced, spoiled milk. Be careful not to add too much. It’s not a bowl of cereal. Yet.
How do you lie to yourself about what you eat? I’d love to hear your tips and tricks!
*** Due to legal restrictions, I must clarify that when I say “we”, I very specifically mean me.
